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Inspiring and Empowering
Relationships
By Ivan Kelly A close personal relationship can be extremely beneficial if, in a major way, it enables and encourages the partners to feel stronger, more confident and empowered to cope with the many demands of life. This is the question you need to ask yourself: Is my contribution to the relationship an uplifting one where my partner's spirits are strong and positive; where they normally are happy and display eagerness and optimism? There are many ways that we can help our partners move in this direction. Note that the primary concern is to help them feel better about themselves and positive about the results of their endeavors. This means avoiding comments which belittle or diminish, such as criticism and sarcasm. It doesn't mean lavishing praise, as the intention is not to make them dependent on the good opinions of others as a source of motivation. It does mean reminding them of their own potential to do well. Make this a constant reminder. As well, there are times when partners doubt their own abilities and feel pessimistic about future developments. When this happens, it is essential to help restore their focus. Point out that they are allowing distracting thoughts to intrude and undermine their confidence and that they need to concentrate more on what they are aiming for and less on the things that can go wrong. Here are a few of the self-limiting ideas that our partners sometimes allow to displace their positive thoughts: * Worrying That They Cannot Control Everything. This is a concern for those who are action-oriented and think that they have to constantly organize everything to produce the result they want. It is of less concern for those who are more attentive to their goals than to the process. Those who are goal-driven learn to trust that the action steps required will appear as needed and follow up opportunities to move forward. Those who are process-driven are constantly looking for something to do and fill their lives with activity. Their attention is on 'what has to be done' rather than what it is they actually want. * Immobilized By Fear For many, the fear of attempting something and expecting disastrous results can be inhibiting to the point of inaction. Such people spend much of their time looking for excuses. The focus of their attention is on the problems that they face and this induces anxiety. A common way of handling such feelings is procrastination and the possibility of having to face difficult situations is put off until 'tomorrow'. This too is a result of losing focus and not paying attention to what is truly desired. When problems and difficulties are seen as distractions from the main 'game' and the person who is troubled is encouraged to be more constant in attending to what is really wanted, a positive energy will flow and they will feel more driven towards the things that are really important to them. * Living In The Past Memories can be a wonderful thing - especially when we recall the many beautiful events and experiences in our lives. However, for many, the memories can be of wrongs or loss they have endured, or failures they have suffered. By continuing to remind themselves of past negative experiences, they feel stressed in the present due to feelings of anger or anxiety, perhaps accompanied by depression. These negative feelings impact on their present and have a flow-on effect which influences their future. It's important to help our partners see that a happier future does not lie with the negative feelings they are carrying, and that those feelings cannot change what has already happened. To have control of their future life, they need to be reminded of where they want to be; of the sort of life they want, of the sort of relationship they want. Those thoughts need to be their constant companions and it is not good enough to say they have no control over their thoughts. That is where we mature as individuals as well as partners in a relationship - we take control of our lives by choosing those beneficial thoughts which greet us, moving us forward, and ignoring those which serve only to distract, inhibit and diminish us. As loving partners in a relationship, there will be many occasions - opportunities - to offer the encouragement and assistance that our partner sometimes needs from us. Of course, it is not only a one way service, but it starts with you. Demonstrate the sort of uplifting behavior you would like to receive. For more information about how to build inspiring, empowering relationships, get the free report now! - Ivan Kelly |
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